Joy in the Long-Suffering

This wasn’t originally going to be the title of my blog. The original title was going to “My Life is 85 Degrees.” God has a funny way of changing things. 

Before I really get into the heart of this blog post, I do want to say that I was able to get to the States for a couple of weeks at the end of June and get a refreshing break that I needed from my Haiti life. Don’t get me wrong, I was ready to come back here, but it was SO good to see my people and spend some quality time with those I love most! 

Visited Dad at his new job while I was home
so naturally I took a selfie with Baby Barrel Bob!

Let me also say, my life is normally about an average of 85 degrees (or more) and air conditioning is cold. I have officially acclimated to Haiti weather. While in America, I had to take a long-sleeved shirt with me everywhere I went! That’s what 11 months in the Caribbean gets you!

Coming back to Haiti, I knew that July would potentially be a tough month. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog posts, then you know that I’ve been in a season of transition, growth, and waiting. PATIENCE was the word for May and June. For July, I think my word is LONG-SUFFERING. Now, you may hear that word and think, “Long-Suffering? That sounds terrible!” Let me tell you, it’s no cake walk. It’s been a REALLY hard few months and it’s not over. It wouldn’t be called long-suffering if it wasn’t long, right? 

But, let’s not dwell there. Because while this post is about the hardship and the heartache that I’m facing right now, it’s about SO much more than that. It’s about our Heavenly Father and His faithfulness through the storm and all that He hopes for us. Y’all, I have learned so much about who God is, who I am, and how to do this crazy thing called life in the last month and I’m literally busting at the seams to share it with you. 

One of my best friends got married while I was home!

I want to share with you (as concisely as I can, though, some of you know, I’m kind of a talker) the experience I’ve had over the last several weeks.

Like any good struggle, it started with conflict. (There’s no struggle if there’s no conflict of some kind. Am I right?) Now, it doesn’t matter what the conflict was, just that there was some. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve not always been the best when it comes to matters of conflict. I’ve always been the ignore it or work around it and never really deal with it person. Well, that doesn’t work in Haiti. You’re forced to deal with things. And you know what? It’s beautiful. Sweet friends, I cannot express enough how beautiful the place I’m sitting is. It’s SO hard and it’s SO difficult, but it’s beautiful. 

When you’re forced to deal with things, you have to learn how to lean into God. That’s the only way it works. So if you’re sitting in a place of conflict - LEAN INTO HIM. He’ll walk you through. My walking through lead to some hard conversations that I would have rather not had. Not just one conversation — several. It also lead to a place of what I can only describe as “unsettled contentedness.” I know, it’s an oxymoron. However, it’s so fitting because God has shown me His faithfulness. I know that He is working, so I’m content. I don’t love the way some things turned out or some of the things that happened or that there is not yet resolution, so I’m unsettled. But God is working, so it’s okay. 

Through His working I’ve really tried to dig deep into what God has for me — His will and His plan. It’s caused a let of self-reflection and self-realization that I had some things a little out of whack. First of all, I realized that I was finding my self-worth in other people, not God. That makes things hard when you live in a place that can be very lonely. Not to mention it puts a lot of pressure on the people you surround yourself with. Plus, our worth comes from God, not people anyway, but we’ll get to that. I’ve also realized that it’s okay to stand up for yourself and to demand what you need from those you love. We aren’t doormats. People don’t get to walk all over us. Now, that might sound a little bit harsh. The beauty of the harshness is GRACE. Grace is a HUGE thing here and should be in all of our lives. We must have GRACE for those around us. We all have things that we’re working through and dealing with. Our grace for others should extend just as God’s grace for us is extended. We aren’t perfect. We’re all ‘works in progress.’ 

We also have free-will. So while you do what you feel you need to do in order to deal with the conflict (which I did), you also have to ask God for PEACE. You HAVE to deal with the conflict. Trust me, I know it’s hard and it’s not fun, but you have to do it for your mental sanity and our call in relationship with one another. However, people are people, events happen that are our of our control, and things might not go like we want. So, you have to ask for PEACE because ultimately, if you are truly seeking God’s will as you deal with your conflict, He’s going to work it out HIS way. Not necessarily ours. And that’s a tough pill to swallow when you know exactly what you would like to see happen and what you think should happen.

Maybe you’re sitting in a place where you have no idea what God’s will for your life is. Well, the Bible is a great place to start. Sure, the Bible doesn’t explicitly tell you EXACTLY what choice you're supposed to make, what job you’re to take, where you’re supposed to live, or who you’re going to marry, but it’s the guidepost for our lives. 

I was doing my devotion the other day, and this verse really stuck out to me and where I’m at and hopefully it will be helpful for you too!

Colossians 1:9-12 states,

“For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him; being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power for all patience and long-suffering with joy; giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light.”

((I encourage you to read the rest of the chapter because it is SO perfect for explaining all that Christ did for us and all that He wants for us.))

Y’all. These verses come alive. This breaks down in the most general sense, what God’s will for our life is. “…ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of HIS WILL in all wisdom and spiritual understanding…” This introduces what I broke down as 7 things God wants for us. 

1. Walk worthy — Like I mentioned before, our worth comes from God and when are confident in who we are…we’re unstoppable. Maybe you don’t feel that way (I didn’t), but you are. Other people will never fill you the way Christ can.
2. Please Him — our actions and thoughts should be glorifying to God. ALL of them. Are we striving to beat out the sin in our lives or the conflict to be reconciled with Christ?
3. Be fruitful — We should be extending the kingdom of God. This takes intentionality. Who specifically are we each called to be investing in? Investment takes time. It’s scary, but it’s our call as Christians.
4. Increasing in knowledge of God — We HAVE to GET. IN. THE. WORD. That’s how we get to know our Heavenly Father. It must be a priority. We can’t just read it, we have to STUDY it.
5. Strengthened by Him — We cannot do any of this on our own. God is the one who strengthens us to see us through. Are we taking it all to Him?
6. Long-suffering in joy — There’s going to be struggle. It’s going to be hard. But it’s beautiful. Find the joy in the refining process.
7. Giving thanks because we are chosen — We are CHOSEN. God PICKED us. He doesn’t want some other version of us. He wants us just as we are. He has deemed us worthy and that’s all that matters. 

These are some of me favorite people.

Simply put, this is a great place to start if you’re not sure which direction you’re headed. Find a place to sit without distractions or time limits and be intimate with God. (I did this the other day and it was one of my best quiet times.) Sit in quiet wait for His leading. Find people who are going to challenge you and push you and hold you accountable. (I wouldn’t be where I am without those people.) 

I KNOW it’s hard, but we’re going to be such beautifully grown people on the other side of our journeys. I’ve asked for peace. It’s here. All you have to do is let it go and let God handle it. ALL OF IT. 

Face your conflict head on. Don’t take the easy way out. It’s the harder path, but it’s all worth it. 

Love you all!

Caitlin

Lots of time home with Moses
since the Brouwers are gone.

Love my bubby. Somehow I didn't manage to get a picture
with my parents!

PS....Fun Fact: Did you know that it HAILS in Haiti? Ask me how I know? ....got stuck at the pool in the middle of a HAILSTORM! Don't worry...everything is okay...just lots of trees and gates blown off their hinges. At first, we couldn't believe that it was actually hailing!